The topic of our MCC retreat this year was servant leadership. I suppose leadership isn't something I've given a whole lot of thought to here in Cambodia, since we're not in leadership positions. And yet the characteristics of a servant leader are so precisely how we should be engaging with our Cambodian partner organizations (or really with anyone, for that matter). Among the many characteristics I would love to better emulate, one that sparked the most conversation among our group of Cambodians and Laotians and Americans and Vietnamese and Canadians was: the humility to admit our wrongs and ask for forgiveness.
Did we as a group respect a leader who is able to admit mistakes and ask for forgiveness, or didn't we?
I'll back up first. While studying at Fuller, a concept that I particularly struggled to get my head around was cultural change. On the one hand, an awareness of our (this is me, speaking as a white American) privilege and power makes me uber-conscious of any hint at change that I might suggest within another culture. I want to empower others, value others, see the beauty in their culture, affirm. And despite these values I hold so dearly, it is easy to abuse my position of privilege by being the first to suggest an idea, instead of patiently waiting to hear the great ideas that God has entrusted to another.
On the other hand. Aren't all cultures in need of transformation? Just read the news.
So back to forgiveness. What was interesting about our group discussion was that certain people absolutely admired the ability of a leader to confess and ask for forgiveness (myself included). Other people would absolutely lose respect for a leader who admits mistakes - a sure sign of weakness!
As I discussed this idea with some other Cambodian friends over the last few days, I am starting to see that this idea of forgiveness is something quite new for many Cambodians, especially as it pertains to people in authority. A cultural shift seems to be happening. One friend explained to me that growing up her parents never asked her for forgiveness if they wronged her, but now they are teaching the concept to the next generation of children in their family. Another explained that while it's not really their cultural tradition, it makes his heart happy to hear a leader ask for forgiveness.
I've really struggled in Cambodia, especially initially, with the fact that no one seemed to apologize for anything, or admit when they were wrong. On occassions when I was particularly upset, I've so badly wanted to point fingers and declare: that part of your culture is just wrong!
Then again I come from a place where "sorry!" is so often used that perhaps its lost any meaning at all.
What strikes me is that Cambodians themselves are recognizing the need for something different in their families and in their leaders. It doesn't take someone pointing fingers. I remain unsure of what is actually provoking this cultural change. It could be TV and other media that allow the ideas of the rest of the world to show up right in our homes. It could be Western donors and money and aid organizations demanding something different. For Christians, it may be reading about the things Christ calls us toward and recognizing the need for our own transformation. Or it could be simple friendships and conversations comparing cultural differences.
Whatever the cause, my hope is that these discussions with God and with our Cambodian friends can continue to transform my own way of thinking as well.
